The Process

It's been a long time

2009-07-10T23:03:00.002-06:00

And I'm a little bored. So I'll show y'all the latest awful messages I've gotten from my personal ad. Enjoy these gems.

"Do you hate The IM?orJust me.LOL"

"Funny Profile..especially the music section..cut too If I do say soooo."

"Hey whats up HOw are you hoping we can talk wat do you say??"

"I'm working on the existence thing.the neuroscientist in me insists that's it's all epiphenomenal.still, it feels good."

"my cat was awesome, but now he's dead. so sad. his name was scratcher and he was the best cat, since he died I guess your cat is the best ."

"Before you think I lost my mind messaging you from Oklahoma, I will be for 4 months in Artesia NM, for my Federal Certification Training, beginning August of this year. Which brings me "within reach" LolI am a cop and work mainly narcotics and major crimes."

"I work in a library and for some strange reason I think I saw your picture before in some book about firearms. Strange."

"hello I'm interested in you"

"If you would, define "bike"?"

"So you like gun?"

"How are you today? I am fine, thankyou. I am new to this site, so i;m just trying to make some friends, get back to me."

"Hi, I saw your profile have a peek at mine if you like it let me know what caught me about you is that your pretty eyes."

subject: "hopeful"
body: "Didja like what ye saw?"

"Ok, but seriously, what did you think of those tax day tea parties? i didn't go to any, but I'm all for lower tax and less government involvement."

"im giving away black kittens if ur intrested i need to get them to a good home by sun.. message back if intrested"

"thought i'd send you a message to start a chat with you if you was interested"

"whats up? :D"

"Yeah sorry if it seems like I keep going to your page."

"Hey!What's up?Today is March 8... the Women's Day, so... best wishes!"

ok that one was kinda nice.

"Airsoft? I have one sitting around here someplace too. There is no way that thing could have came out of a HK factory...could it? If so, can I be your best friend? :P"

This one is my favorite, and he's actually really cool:

"well i have looked at your profile several times, and i just wanted to write. i don't even know what to say as i am so bad at this. i guess i just want to say hi? ugh...i hate when people do that to me. fuck. i'm scared. how do i look cool? oh wait...i'm on a dating site. nevermind. shit. i have to go. "

"Hi,how are u?you are reiki master ..can u transform me?"

"assuming that i was diagnosed with a mental-disorder, than indeed i would take a pill. i wouldnt even have to think twice about that, but I would never ever take a drug to improve my "normal" me. Hope that makes sense."

It totally didnt.

Thanks for tuning in y'all.

busy busy busy

2009-04-30T09:58:00.002-06:00

I don't know if anyone actually reads my blog, but I thought I'd apologize for my lack of commitment as of late. I'm just insanely busy. Life is good- great actually. I'm at the top of my game... just....busy.

Some day I'll catch up, but for now you'll have the archives to giggle with.

April Fools!

2009-04-03T09:59:00.002-06:00

I've always loved the idea of April Fools Day, but have never really been able to pull off some brilliantly-planned fool. I've heard of some great ones: my friends older brother was rumored to, in High School, unscrew all of the light bulbs in the entire house to fool his parents. This is particularly hilarious imagining the parents coming home, trying to turn on this light then that one... move across the room, try another light.. but then, the TV turns on! Try another light. Doesn't work. But, the clock on the microwave works? The toaster works? The fridge is on? WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I love it. I love this holiday.

I've only been April Fooled once. It was my junior year of college, and I was living with one of my favorite roommates, Amber, whom I also worked with at a jewelry kiosk in the Broadway Market (R.I.P.: it is now a ginormous QFC). She was rarely home, since she was usually at her boyfriends (Dog, that's his name) house. One day I came home from class, opened up my purse to find a little note inside. It was hand-letter-pressed the old-fashioned way, and it read “Wanting You.” I was pretty amused.. wantin' me eh? Cool. Who could it be? I honestly kinda shrugged it off. But then the next day, I was working, alone, and I was chatting with someone from a nearby kiosk, when I came back, opened up our sales book to look at something and there was another note! Same print, same paper, and it read “Needing You.” Ok- little creepy but still flattering... I was only bothered that whoever this was had seen our sales book... but oh well- I was nineteen. The next day I came home to my secure building to another note, this time on my apartment door that read “Watching You.” Ok, this was getting really creepy at this point. Actually, to a point of somewhat paranoia... Was I being stalked? What kind of a maniac did this? Was I going to be murdered? How did he get in the building? All of these questioned raced through my mind... this admirer was moving pretty fast.. three days and now they're in my building. Freaky. I told my roommate about it, hoping she'd stay over at the place with me that night, but she ended up going to Dogs. The next day I was on edge, and when I went to work, my roommate Amber showed up, and handed me a note: same paper, same type, only bigger with a Joker stamp on it and it read “April Fools Love Amber”. She felt so bad about freaking me out that she gave it to me and walked away, tail between her legs. How could I have been to naive? I knew she was talking the bookmaking/old letter-press class... duh. She had keys to the building... duh. She also worked at my kiosk so she had access to the sales book....DUH. It ended up being pretty cute and I was all moody and goth at the time so, it fit well.

And that was the only time I've ever been April Fooled- it made me feel pretty special in the end. Next year April Fool me, someone, please?

We made brownies. And I think we're dead.

2009-02-24T23:08:00.000-07:00

This was in Seattle too. Ah, sometimes I miss them crazies.

Is this real life?

2009-02-12T21:02:00.001-07:00

Ok, thank god for youtube and people with way too much time on their hands. They make my life better. Ok, watch these in order:

Now watch this:

Love them interwebs.

2009-02-03T10:44:00.002-07:00

This is what The Agitator would like to see happen with this whole dumb Michael Phelps thing. I completely agree. Enjoy.

A Letter I'd like to see (but wont)
Sunday, February 1st, 2009

Dear America,

I take it back. I don’t apologize.

Because you know what? It’s none of your goddamned business. I work my ass off 10 months per year. It’s that hard work that gave you all those gooey feelings of patriotism last summer. If during my brief window of down time I want to relax, enjoy myself, and partake of a substance that’s a hell of a lot less bad for me than alcohol, tobacco, or, frankly, most of the prescription drugs most of you are taking, well, you can spare me the lecture.

I put myself through hell. I make my body do things nature never really intended us to endure. All world-class athletes do. We do it because you love to watch us push ourselves as far as we can possibly go. Some of us get hurt. Sometimes permanently. You’re watching the Super Bowl tonight. You’re watching 300 pound men smash each while running at full speed, in full pads. You know what the average life expectancy of an NFL player is? Fifty-five. That’s about 20 years shorter than your average non-NFL player. Yet you watch. And cheer. And you jump up spill your beer when a linebacker lays out a wide receiver on a crossing route across the middle. The harder he gets hit, the louder and more enthusiastically you scream.

Yet you all get bent out of shape when Ricky Williams, or I, or Josh Howard smoke a little dope to relax. Why? Because the idiots you’ve elected to make your laws have have without a shred of evidence beat it into your head that smoking marijuana is something akin to drinking antifreeze, and done only by dirty hippies and sex offenders.

You’ll have to pardon my cynicism. But I call bullshit. You don’t give a damn about my health. You just get a voyeuristic thrill from watching an elite athlete fall from grace–all the better if you get to exercise a little moral righteousness in the process. And it’s hypocritical righteousness at that, given that 40 percent of you have tried pot at least once in your lives.

Here’s a crazy thought: If I can smoke a little dope and go on to win 14 Olympic gold medals, maybe pot smokers aren’t doomed to lives of couch surfing and video games, as our moronic government would have us believe. In fact, the list of successful pot smokers includes not just world class athletes like me, Howard, Williams, and others, it includes Nobel Prize winners, Pulitzer Prize winners, the last three U.S. presidents, several Supreme Court justices, and luminaries and success stories from all sectors of business and the arts, sciences, and humanities.

So go ahead. Ban me from the next Olympics. Yank my endorsement deals. Stick your collective noses in the air and get all indignant on me. While you’re at it, keep arresting cancer and AIDS patients who dare to smoke the stuff because it deadens their pain, or enables them to eat. Keep sending in goon squads to kick down doors and shoot little old ladies, maim innocent toddlers, handcuff elderly post-polio patients to their beds at gunpoint, and slaughter the family pet.

Tell you what. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll apologize for smoking pot when every politician who ever did drugs and then voted to uphold or strengthen the drug laws marches his ass off to the nearest federal prison to serve out the sentence he wants to impose on everyone else for committing the same crimes he committed. I’ll apologize when the sons, daughters, and nephews of powerful politicians who get caught possessing or dealing drugs in the frat house or prep school get the same treatment as the no-name, probably black kid caught on the corner or the front stoop doing the same thing.

Until then, I for one will have none of it. I smoked pot. I liked it. I’ll probably do it again. I refuse to apologize for it, because by apologizing I help perpetuate this stupid lie, this idea that what someone puts into his own body on his own time is any of the government’s damned business. Or any of yours. I’m not going to bend over and allow myself to be propaganda for this wasteful, ridiculous, immoral war.

Go ahead and tear me down if you like. But let’s see you rationalize in your next lame ONDCP commercial how the greatest motherfucking swimmer the world has ever seen . . . is also a proud pot smoker.

Yours,

Michael Phelps

Bicycle Mania!

2009-02-01T21:31:00.003-07:00

I just freaking love my bike. I just got one a few weeks ago, and I've managed to take her out every day so far. Usually for 5-10 miles along the river, or even just bar/party hopping on a Saturday night. It's fun stuff, and I can't believe I didn't do this sooner. Here's Miss Blue, as I call her:

I've become very appreciative to cool bikes now. Especially fixed-gear bikes or "fixies". Blue is a three speed, though most beach cruisers are fixed gear. I don't have enough biking experience for a fixie- it's pretty hardcore, yet so admirable. I found this site that has really cool fixies from all over the world on it. Frankinstein'd bikes, if you will. See them here: Pedal Mafia

My next favorite site was just passed onto me today. It's called Copenhagen Cycle and it's basically what it says: shots of cool people on cool bikes in Copenhagen. They even have a guide for wearing cool cycling clothes. Cute stuff.

So some day, when I have enough space, I'll own several bikes. A really funky fixie, cute beach cruiser, some euro-trash cruiser, and maybe some crazy trike of some kind. There's never-ending fun with bicycles. And the workout is great- really mindless... since you're going from point A to point B. And you save money. And the world.

Ok, I'll end todays bike rant. For now.

dead inside

2009-01-16T23:03:00.002-07:00

That's pretty much how I'm feeling these days. I've been re-evaluating my current goals with my lifelong ones. It's gettin' deep. In the meantime, the only thing that's keeping me from slitting my wrists on set from all of the melodrama is learning German. I'm all over this newfound obsession! At first it was just to be silly- I've never had much pride in speaking other tongues- but now it's personal. Some favorite phrases:

"Da wird ja des Hund in des Pfanne verruckt."
The dog goes crazy in the pan. (to be said when you're in a strange or crazy situation.)

"Dass ist ja krass!"
Equivalent to "that's the bomb/awesome/cool/etc."

"Das ist ja der absolute Hammer!"/"Absolute der Hammer!"
That's totally awesome!/(agreeing with)

"Berruh deine Haare, bitte nicht."
Don't touch the hair please. (this comes in handy on set)

"Hände weg"
Hands off! (also comes in handy on set, regarding touching the hair)

Anyhow- I totally love German and I'm going to pursue learning it when I have some time off. I've always loved Germany, it's culture and people. The only problem I have with it is how they'd say my name ("J's" being pronounced as a "Y".... "Yennifer Yane Yawman" oh dear.)

The best part,

2009-01-03T00:49:00.002-07:00

is when her hair extension falls out. The rest of it is just creepy. Enjoy.

The last hangover of 2008!

2008-12-31T16:22:00.002-07:00

While kickin' it at the Ja(y)sons this afternoon, trying to read-off this hangover (thanks Sarah!) I started searching for info on Berlin. This movie has gotten me all into Germany, wanting to learn German, blah blah blah. The boys are always talking about Berlin, and it keeps coming back to me that it's the hot spot to be right now. The apartments look good, the free section on craigslist is usually how I judge a new city and Berlin took the cake:

http://berlin.en.craigslist.org/zip/938536448.html

I fucking love Germans. Take me there now.

2008-12-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

bad, bad blogger.

2008-12-29T01:52:00.002-07:00

As of late I've been in Washington (state), soaking up the moisture for the winter... Hibernating from the sunny New Mexican skies for a hot second. I'm enjoying myself, but oddly anxious to get back to my job on Friendship too. But that's not what this late-night blog is about. I originally decided to write about the good-times I've had thus far here in the Evergreen State. Some memorable moments in chronological order:

* Hybrid cab ride. (But it still costs the same- wtf?)
* Ivars clam chowder on the pier, then eating it on the ferry.
* Monster truck ride with Dave to Port Townsend. I could barely get up into the truck.
* Dinner with mom and Patti, a ridiculous bill but worth it to support Mark and The Upstage.
* Ben!
* My Port Townsend male posse escorting me to Waterstreet and Sirens- Ben, Pete, and Jesse.
* Teresa! Beautiful as ever.
* Loosing count at eight glasses of wine, crashing on Teresa's couch, then doing the walk of shame in the morning. Only I didn't get lucky.
* Breakfast at the Blue Moose with mom, Teresa and Ben.
* Monica and Carney and her little girl Ava.
* Old neighborhood gossip. I love slutty neighbors!
* Christmas- trying to make Patti's better (awe) and going to the Mahers. Love my little Sadie.
* Smokin' halibut with John.
* Breakfast with Mercedes and her preggo belly.
* Shoppin' with mom, weird lunch at Silverwater.
* Long long night- Monica, Teresa, Ben, Nick Yates, not enough or too little wine... who's to say...
* Ben being a grump when I was painfully late to leave for Seattle.... but I wooed him with beers!
* Driving a 2wd in the snow, in Eaglemount.
* Seattle! Jayson! Jason!
* Late-night at Bus Stop... gays.... Keith... Drew... Sophie... and Albuquerque writer Blake Driver!
* Trying to wake up Jayson, but he was naked. Gross.
* Benedict, dining next to the cutest group of old men... I want to be like them when I grow up.
* Downtown shopping with Jayson, flowers for Jason.
* Dinner with Kyle, Elizabeth and Keith at the Kingfish Cafe. Fried chicken, fried green tomatoes, hushpuppies, red wine and good company.
* Being given a beautiful necklace from Elizabeth's late mothers collection.
* Beers at Summit Tavern with Joe Gray and Jordan!
* Back home with the Ja(y)sons, snuggled up on the couch watching Little Britan.

That's about all I've got so far. Tomorrow I have an outing to Ballard to look forward to with Jordan. We'll be lunching at the Oaxacan restaurant, shopping at Archie McPhee's and then having ginger bourbon cocktails at The Hazelwood. (That about covers Ballard.) I'm on the hunt for a few things for my kiddies back in Albuquerque, but I think I'll save that for Tuesday. Sarah should be here soon, too. And New Years plans are yet to be determined....

It's true though- I'm finding myself wanting to get home sooner than I thought. I've got too much brewing back there to leave like this for nearly two weeks. And I miss my cat. And red chile. I wish that I could have the dry red chile desert and the pacific northwest at the same time. Well, it would be perfect if I could blend the two.. I like rain, I do. I just complain to practice my vocal chords. I just wish the rain was warmer. And that it could rain and be sunny at the same time.

Now it's just blabber. I'm going to bed. Will update more later.

oh, those Germans!

2008-12-22T01:08:00.002-07:00

It's been a little too long since there's been a post here- my computer refuses to go online now. I'm up way too late, but got a hilarious video in my inbox today that I thought I'd share. I guess it's German soccer fashion from the 70's. The dancing is hilarious, but in a really creepy way, the people look just like the hipsters in Seattle. Especially the men. Hmm...

My favorite part are the background dancers- the one's in black. They remind me of the seat fillers they have at the Oscars, to make it look like it's full, when in reality they're just filling the seat for some actor that went to the bathroom.

Oh those Germans!

Today in shoes:

2008-12-14T16:56:00.001-07:00

I just think that's one of the funniest and saddest things I've seen in a long time.

Not Evah, No Way.

2008-12-08T21:53:00.001-07:00

Ben turned me onto this. If you have something to smoke or drink, do so then watch this. As Ben put it, it's like some guy from Philly tripping on acid commenting on everything he sees. Hilarious.

Old Blog, "Suicide"

2008-12-07T07:13:00.002-07:00

I was revisiting an old blog about my current apartment this morning. I wrote it on myspace over a year ago. The blog then my conversation with Sarah still crack me up, so I thought I'd share it here as a little memoir. Enjoy.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Suicide
Current mood: ghostly

Lovely. So here's how a recent conversation went between me and a lady who lives in my building. This conversation took place yesterday after only ONE NIGHT in my new pad:

Lady (her name is Sarah): OH! Are you the new girl in 17??
Me: Yeah, I am.
Her: Oh I lived there for 2 years and I loved it! But I have to tell you, it's haunted- let me go put my groceries away and I'll tell you all about it!

5 minutes later:

Her: so one night my boyfriend and I were just finishing a movie and it was really quiet and we heard a high pitched voice IN THE ROOM scream "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Then we were at a building BBQ and people told me a man had hated living in that apartment and eventually commit suicide IN 17.
Me: hot!
Her: Yeah, and in retrospect I was really restless in there. Also, the cabinet doors always pop open. Just thought I should tell you! See you later!

OK: there are SO many things wrong with this.
1. Being restless is YOUR problem, not the ghost.
2. Those cabinets? A few hours before she told me thing I had REMOVED them because there was SEVENTEEN layers of paint on there that prevented them from closing all the way. Dumbass.
3. You dont just TELL someone that someone commit suicide in their brand new apartment.
4. She's a fucking sticker person. I've had to remove stickers up the ass in that place. Dont trust sticker people.
5. I'm going to go right to the source and find out what the real deal is.

I'll keep you posted!

In the mean time, here is a hilarious conversation that went on between me and Sarah (non-sticker variety) today regarding the girl, the ghost and people we hate, enjoy!

me: the boogie man lives under the bed!
Sarah: How was your first night?
me: actually it was my second
Sarah: Well la ti da
lol
me: its just fine. nothing weird at all
Sarah: LOL!
That's good I think she shouldn't have told yo that
me: I was out until 1am, came in and was like, "This is FINE. what am I freaking about?"
yeah its like the shittiest thing EVER plus, she's a STICKER person. I had to buy $15 worth of goof off to get those fucknig fairy stickers off the doors, mirrors and fridge I was like, "so you're the motherfucking asshole sticker person! I HATE YOU."
Sarah: Oh man
Yeah, sticker people are GROSS
me: I know. I fucking hate them. I hate them like I hate the people who stick their tounges out when thinking, lifting something, or doing something.
Jesus christ how to do spell tougne?
it's not in my spell check
this suicide ghost has made me retawded
Sarah: Tongue
Mouth breathers are lumped in there too
me: THANK YOU.
Sarah: And tooth-pickers
me: the tongue people are the worst. I'm like, WHY? WHY MUST YOU STICK IT OUT?? It's not HELPING you lift that box now, is it?
Sarah: I know, and it's the GROSSEST thing to witness
me: I saw one at Lowes the other day. He was big, middle aged and bald. his tongue was sticking out the WHOLE time he was completing his transaction at the cashier.
Sarah: Jesus
me: I dont get it. It must be a part of their brain that they're lacking. you know?
Sarah: I bet there was heavy breathing involved
Yeah
me: oh my god, I'm sure of it.
Sarah: This is really funny
me: mouth breaking tongue sticking out fucking sticker assholes.
Sarah: The sticker one is really weird
Because their compulsive AND ruining stuff
me: You have no idea the pains I've gone through to get those stickers off the mirrors.
Sarah: I know
!
me: I know, and someone- someone out there has to suffer to take them off.
Sarah: I mean, they're STCKERS
wtf?
me: this girl "half" ripped them off
Sarah: What's the fascination?
ARG! That's even worse!
me: I'm like, whats the point? just leave them if you're going to half way rip them off.
Sarah: LIke she was trying to "save" them
me: LOL
Sarah: What a douche
me: Like she's the Jesus of stickers- saving them from temptation!
Sarah: THat makes you the Devil
me: Maybe she can turn water into wine?

Reading this again got me so excited to see Sarah again later this month!

Friendship!

2008-11-29T09:18:00.004-07:00

With each job I get, the more interested I am to see what happens next. My last job, on the TV show In Plain Sight got me introduced to Leslie Ann Warren (Clue! Hel-lo!). After I had already met her, I was using the bathroom on set. I finish, walk out to wash my hands when Leslie walked out of the stall next to me (that's right, I peed next to Leslie Ann Warren). We're both washing our hands in silence when I looked up at her in the mirror, and she was looking at me! I took this as my chance, "I just have to say what an honor it is to work with you!" She got a huge smile on her face, we made small talk in the courthouse bathroom, and later my Department Head told me that Leslie said I was "very sweet". I can probably die happy now.

This new job is a whole different ballgame. First of all, I'm the Department Head (aka the boss of the hair). Second, it's a German independent film. And third: it's in German. If that wasnt already enough: the main actor, Matthias Schweighöfer, is a huge heartthrob.... in Germany. We're talking mega superstar status, won a bunch of awards, is constantly working, etc. I was really curious to know what he'd be like, being a huge star and all. He's kind of like our Leonardo or something.

Yesterday was his hair day. His last film, a German pirate movie (ARRG!), had colored his dirty blond hair a medium brown, and we needed to get him back to his usual heartthrob look. I went to the office and walked into the costume department and there he was. He looked at me, made an excited face, jumped up and shook my hand. We walked to my car (that I'm borrowing) and he goes, "A Volvo! Good choice!" We drove up to the salon and I told him about regional New Mexican food, our local beer (you know, important stuff). When we arrived he was getting a kick out of speaking American English that he jokingly said, "Thank you. That was a very nice trip!" We laughed.

Our day was long- the process took forever. And I never once felt like I was in the presence of royalty or stardom. Matt is a way cool guy, totally liberal, open-minded and absolutely hilarious. We were teaching him American terms such as (but not limited to): "WTF", "ohmigod", "perf", "bust a cap it your ass", "I know, right?", "I'm all-", "whore" (while making a "w" with your fingers), and all the different terms for marijuana. This is his first time in America, and I'm going to make sure it's hilarious and memorable. He told me at the end of the day that he was so excited that we get to spend two months together. We really clicked as pals. I asked him what it was like to be so huge in Germany? He told me stories about going to readings where two thousand girls would be waiting for him, screaming. He said he cant go anywhere without people knowing him. I told him that no one knows who he is here and he responded by saying that made him really happy to just be "normal". I kept wondering how many girls in Germany would kill to be in my position. Ha!

We then went back to the office to do our camera test. I'll write about the other characters I'm working with at a later date. Our leading lady is coming in soon, and she's like a superstar in Poland or something. And our savvy German director Markus... it'll be fun. The film is called Friendship! and if there's anything I've gained so far, it would be a handful of new friends. Awe.

.

2008-11-22T13:15:00.001-07:00

I don't really have any comment. That video is just too weird. I can't decide if it makes me happy or sad... or angry? Depressed? I'm drawing a blank.

I'm having a BAD night

2008-11-20T21:40:00.001-07:00

But this blog post just made me laugh until I cried. Good work Lindy West!

Bad bad apples

2008-11-20T10:31:00.002-07:00

Last night I got off of work on In Plain Sight and went to the store originally to get a bottle of wine to wind down with. I ended up getting some gala apples for breakfast. Usually, I only by my food at the co-op, Sunflower or Trader Joes. But since it was after 11pm, I had to go to Smiths. Long story short: I just ate one of the apples, and, I couldn't taste anything. Like, the apple is tasteless. If it tastes like anything, it tastes like bitter water. I couldnt figure out what was wrong at first, but now I realize it's because its not organic!

I really learned my lesson on that one. Who wants to eat a watery apple with no flavor? To think that some people go their whole lives just buying crap apples at the major grocery store is sad. There's a better world out there people! Go live in it!

Lolcats Vol. I

2008-11-16T18:32:00.003-07:00

Rally

2008-11-15T17:31:00.002-07:00

I just returned home from a morning/afternoon of protesting Prop. 8 here in Albuquerque.
I got to the Plaza at about 11:30, and there was already a good handful of people there. I had no idea what to expect from Albuquerque- our gay pride festivities are limited compared to Seattle. It's a very welcoming community here, and while I see the occasional McCain sticker, it's really not overbearing for being surrounded by red states. Today is beautiful, maybe 65 degrees, not a cloud in the sky. We're all cold though, bundled up in our jackets and hats- with sunglasses on. Everyone there was beautiful. You had your handful of gay cholos and cholas, your elder gays, the couples with their kids, the hipsters, the parents of gays, the creepy staring gays, and lots of dogs (like, literally: real dogs.) People were handing out fliers that had every New Mexican business that contributed money to Prop. 8, and of course now we're boycotting them.
The energy was amazing, everyone smiling at each other, I saw the occasional acquaintance who would embrace me with a hug. I walked up some steps to get a few pictures and saw a sign that read, "I cant believe I'm still protesting this" and the emotions started flowing. A few people I know, lawyers, got up with bull horns and read speeches, narrated with people signing. Their speeches were powerful, but honestly I didn't really pay that much attention: I already know what they're telling me, and I'm not the one they should be preaching to- I'd vote no on Proposition 8 in a heart beat. I was busy looking around, tears rolling down my cheeks, at the elderly couples, the children running around and soaking in the beautiful energy of like-minds.

We then marched through down town, where people stopped for us in the road and honked their horns in support. More tears. I was holding my friends two year old boy the whole time, and he was clapping to the beat of some girls playing drums. I couldnt help but to think how amazing it will be for him, to grow up in a world filled with love and not hate- equality for all. I know this will happen, because I saw it today. It's there- it just needs to spread. The more we do things like this the closer we will be. I cannot wait to tell that little boy, when he's an adult and I'm the old crazy auntie that he was there with me, in my arms, witnessing this beautiful and historical event.
We marched back to the Plaza and I heard someone say that they stopped counting heads at 600. I was amazed- I know this is nothing compared to New York or Seattle, but for little ol' Albuquerque, that is huge. I am so proud of my community right now I could burst. I'm so proud of everyone around the country that came out today. You are all amazing.
After the rally some of my favorite gays and I went out to drink mimosas. We talked about James Bond movies and decided what characters we would be (I'm Grace Jones). You gotta love gays.

What are YOU doing this weekend?

2008-11-13T12:18:00.002-07:00

You should be protesting, of course! Nation-wide there's an anti-prop. 8 protest happening on Saturday November 15th. (All of the info can be found here, no matter what city you live in: http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/). Unless you live in a bunker, California's Prop. 8 overturned the right to marriage for homosexuals. This is particularly depressing, because we've been through this before, and here we are, back a square one. Please donate and/or protest with us on Saturday.

It's a protesting kind of weekend. My friend, Joshua, who is the most dedicated human rights activist I know came through Albuquerque last night on his way to Ft. Hauchuca (near Tucson). Thankfully for me, Albuquerque is his half way point, so I get to spend time with him on his way back too. He's going there to protest, and to get arrested. He's done this before, at the School of the Americas. He's actually spent time in a federal prison for it. What's cool about what he does (other than the fact that he has the huevos, and it's for a fucking good cause) is that because he did this, I know about it and I tell you. That's me plus a good 25 people. Now we are all aware of the SOA and their human rights violations. Now, if you're impressed with this, which you should be, then you'll tell even more people. What he does spreads knowledge that otherwise would not be spread. I love that. While he was here last night and this morning I had dreams of him at the protest. I'm so impressed by him and his courage and politic that I'm beyond words. When he left today I felt like I was saying goodbye to someone who was going off to war, except this is better: it's an anti-war-and-torture protest.

So, when you're doing nothing this weekend, donate to Prop. 8 and keep Joshua in your thoughts for a safe protest, a safe night in jail and a safe journey back home (via here, which I will have more stories.)

Orange-mocha-frappuccino!

2008-11-12T17:05:00.002-07:00

Some of you know exactly where this is from- I love this scene in the movie, but this little dealio here is so much better.

Sorry no blogging, I'm a busy lady these days.

Funny

2008-11-07T03:06:00.002-07:00

Why is it that 95% of the time that I tell people that I wear hearing aids they don't hear me? Here's a sample conversation that happened today:

Me: Did I tell you that I wear hearing aids?

Coworker: You wear what?

Me: Did I tell you that I wear hearing aids?

Coworker: Ohhh.... no, really?

That's how it usually goes. I tend to tell people after I ask what a few too many times. And most of the time, nearly all the time, people don't hear me when I tell them. It's been that way for years, and I even try to say "hearing aids" louder than usual, and they still don't hear me.

Just funny, that's all.

All I have to say is:

2008-11-05T20:29:00.002-07:00

I'm totally pooped. It's been a crazy last few weeks. Between rendez-vousing to Trinidad, working on In Plain Sight (I'm their "third" now for the second season, I only work 1-3 days a week though, it's no big deal), going to New Orleans (where the bars close "when they want to"), Halloween, a wedding, working yesterday, election jazz last night (OBAMANOS!) and trying to piece my life back together today so I can work again tomorrow......ugh. I have no thoughts on anything. Sorry. I'll post on my last few weeks once I'm caught up on sleep and life in general.

Well, I'm off!

2008-10-29T20:19:00.002-06:00

To New Orleans. I've had Proud Mary stuck in my head all day. I've never been to this crazy city, and I decided earlier today that if I don't come back with at least one STD and an accent, the trip will be a failure. Things I'm looking forward to in 'Nawlins:

Walking from bar to bar with an open drink in hand.
Crawfish.
Red beans, rice and andouille.
Pastries.
Hard liquor. (high altitude and liquor don't agree with me.)
Moisture.
Boobs. (no wait, that's Mardi Gras)
Purdy accents.
Really high ceilings.
Spooky voodoo locals.
Shoppin'.
My friends, Megan and Sailor.
Ethnic diversity.

Wish me luck, and look forward to plenty of pictures next week.

The next step

2008-10-28T17:55:00.002-06:00

I've decided that the next step to being "green" is eliminating receipts. I know we need them, but the paper? I wonder how much paper is wasted each day in the form of receipts? It's horrible and I have a solution.

How about the government issues out receipt "cards" each year, with a bar code that while at a store or a restaurant the business can scan it, and it transfers the data onto this card, minus the paper. To review it, there can be a paper-free website that you log into, or something. You can get a monthly email "statement" even. You still pay however you want, just minus the paper waste. I also thought one could have a usb plug-in deal, then you can just review it on your computer, but, computer parts are CO2 producing monsters, so, scratch that. Oh, and Zoe adds that the receipt cards can be made out of something cool and green like recycled tires!

Leave it to me, and I'll find a way to stop the paper/tree waste of receipt and find a way for the government to provide tampons to women for free.

Vodka/Redbull

2008-10-28T13:09:00.002-06:00

Do people actually drink that shit? Maybe I'm just getting old and grumpy, but that sounds like the most disgusting drink ever. Have you ever tasted Red Bull? It tastes like grapefruit cough syrup.

One time, a boss of mine on Breaking Bad made me take this "shot". Everyone on set was getting sick, so she put together this shot that included: elderberry, grapefruit seed and echenicia tinctures, a packet of emergen-c and topped with Red Bull to make it "taste better". I downed it, and it tasted ungodly. About 10 minutes later, I felt a cold sweat coming on, then tunnel vision. My pal Brian was the set medic at the time, so I went up to him, he checked my forehead and sure enough, I was burning up. We talked around the outside of the studios for a few minutes, and I came back down to normal. Forget all the tinctures, I blame the Red Bull. That stuff is nast-ay. However, I never got sick working on that show.

Anyhow, I would love to hear from people who drink crap like Vodka Red Bull. Why do you drink it? What are the hangovers like? Do you actually like the taste of it? Don't you know this stuff is terrible for you, on top of being nasty and trashy? Why don't you have better taste buds that can drink good, classy drinks like Manhattans? What's your problem? How come you're not human, like the rest of us? Red Bull? Really?!

Jewish Indian Princess

2008-10-22T09:08:00.004-06:00

That's me. I'm completely amazed by my heritage these days. My mom's friend, who's a Mormon (and you know how they are about genealogy) has been figuring out her family tree, which incidentally is my family tree (and I don't even have any Mormon friends!) Here are some really fun facts she's picked up, and fact's we've known for awhile:

1. We are related to Mary Queen of Scots (so I'm inbred royalty!)
2. On my grandmothers side, they sailed over to America on the Mayflower (so I can be a Daughter of the American Revolution!)
3. There's Crow Indian on my grandfather's side (minority! AND, more importantly, we raped and pillaged.)
4. Again, on my grandfathers side we have the infamous Younger Brothers (cowboys, robbers and Jesse James' BFF!)
5. And finally, apparently the Mormon friend cannot date my grandfather's side past the state of Georgia. She's tried and tried. Her only excuse is: We're JEWISH! How? Because I guess they changed their names often when they moved here to not seem Jewish, so his last name being Solley was most likely Solomon.

So, basically, I'm an Inbred Jewish Cowboy Indian Princess DAR member. And that's just my moms side. Awesome. I always wanted to be Jewish. My parents can attest. I used to go to the neighbors every Friday for Sabbath, attend all of their local Jewish community events (when I was twelve, for fun). At one point I remember wanting to learn Hebrew and planned to marry a Jewish man (again, I was twelve). I mean, I cried during Shindlers List... I'm totally Jewish!

What does this mean now? I guess it sadly means that Holocaust jokes aren't funny anymore, Passover is now going to mean something more to me than getting drunk on cheap Jewish wine, and I can join exclusive Jewish gyms!

This is so exciting! Jew's for Obama!

I heart David Sedaris

2008-10-21T16:13:00.002-06:00

Here's his take on the "undecideds":

"To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?"

God I love gays. Talented, funny, literary gays, in particular.

Snake Tails

2008-10-18T09:04:00.002-06:00

I just remembered this dream I had the night before last, that actually woke me up to the point that I had to get out of bed, drink some water and regroup before going back to sleep. I thought I'd share it, mostly because it's a perfect example of one of my snake dreams. Most people who know me know of my fear of snakes and that I dream about them all too often. This one was one of the more creepy/scary snake dreams that I've had in awhile.

The premises of the dream was that I was with someone (who will remain nameless) and we had a plan to go to this island where there was some tropical-style cabin deal that we were to rent for the weekend. The first part of the dream was getting off the boat onto a white sand beach, and walking up a pathway to go to the cabin. All of the sudden I felt something dangling off my clothing/hip. I looked down and it was a huge black snake, jaw locked onto the bottom of my shirt. The man who was with me freaked out, as did I, and somehow I pinched the snakes jaw on either side to force it open, and after it released my shirt I threw it into the forest.

The cabin/house was Asian-style, all the furniture low to the ground, sliding rice paper doors, and throughout the whole place there was a continuous pool, so you could swim throughout the whole house. The dude and I are walking through it, amazed, when we get to the bedroom that was actually exposed to the outside. I first noticed the bottom of the pool- it had bright green snake tails laying in the bottom of it. (Think tree snake color.) Then I noticed they were everywhere- hundreds of them, just the tails, no heads. They weren't moving or anything, but they were all over the floor, the bed, the pool, everywhere. The last part I remember was trying to not step on them, and how creepy it felt on my feet.

I forced myself up after that, and I remember thinking how real it felt to step on the tails. I got out of bed and shook it off. But that's messed up- right? I have dreams like this (not specifically, but snake dreams) at least a few times a month. I know that they're supposed to represent change, shedding old skin, blah blah blah. That doesn't do anything for me though- change happens all the time. Why do I dream about them more than the next person? Ideas?

Googling "dream symbology led me to these suggestions:

Tail: To see only the tail of an animal in your dream suggests annoyances and complications.

Snake: To dream of serpents, is indicative of gloomy and depressed surroundings. There is usually a disappointment after this dream.

Bedroom: To dream that you are in the bedroom, symbolizes parts of your self that you keep private.

That's really interesting because the person I was with in the dream recently greatly disappointed me. The entire day after this dream was depressing and gloomy. So, maybe it's just that? Interesting, nonetheless.

PWND!

2008-10-17T12:37:00.002-06:00

It's true. I got a mini-lecture for liking concrete (see my last post) from an architect friend of mine. He even went so far to say that concrete=world destruction. I'll admit that I never did my research as to how green concrete is. According to Jesse, concrete production is a major contributor of CO2, perhaps as much as 7%. Cars are about 30%, he says, adding that this comparison makes it a big problem. If that already didn't make me feel like an asshole for loving the stuff, he added that concrete comes from surface mining, meaning acres and acres of forests die for concrete. I'm now an asshole times two!

I asked him if there was a concrete-looking alternative, for us contemporary architecture lovers out there. He said rammed earth or adobe. Now, I'm in the land of adobe, and it's virtually 100% green. The problem is that it's not as strong, and as Jesse said, usually it's made by hippies, i.e. sloppily. There are ways to make adobe bricks/blocks smooth and flat (stronger)- as long as they're not made by hippies. Jesse lastly added that the cost of going green is giving up strength, which is true.

I've given this some thought, and if the house below was adobe instead of concrete, the color and texture would be pretty amazing. So, I take back what I said about the concrete, and replace it with, "I wish it wasn't made with concrete, the forest-killing, CO2-producing monster, and instead made with pretty earth-based, green, texture-loving adobe."

Did I get my karma back?

mmmmm, adobe.

My favorite Albuquerque home

2008-10-16T19:45:00.003-06:00

I stumbled upon this place a few days ago. It's in one of those all one-way street neighborhoods, so I wasn't sure if I'd ever find it again. The next day, after getting done with an appointment, I was driving home in the dark and spotted the house again. Neither time I had my camera on me (shame, shame) so I went back today in the daylight and got a photo of it, then again after it got dark. Here they are:

Neither shot gives it any justice. This place is amazing- a true contemporary dwelling. Specific things I like about it: the shed roof (inexpensive and efficient), the house is facing northwest (it doesn't get blasted with heat or light), the abundance of windows, you can't really tell in these photos, but the rooms are separated by free-standing walls, which keeps air and light moving, their use of lighting is awesome (again not shown well in the photos- the house is stunning when lit up in person), the use of concrete (heating/cooling efficient), and finally the use of line, shape, form and composition. The lines in particular push all the right buttons with me- the lines in the wood and beams on the ceiling lining up with the windows lines, lining up with cubes of concrete and the lines of the wood on the roof... ahhhh... lines. The repetitious cubes throughout the entire design is yummy, too.

What I would give to see the inside of this place- I need to figure out how to see the front of it, too. When I went by tonight I could see huge art lit up on their walls, the island kitchen and people sitting around drinking wine. I daydreamed that they were talking about what a dirtbag McCain is, and how he's probably a lizard humanoid, and how we should turn into a Socialist/Libertarian country ASAP or else they're going to take all their money out of the bank and buy a gun. (Ok, I stole that last part from someone.) I just kept dreaming that these people were just like me and that this was my house, too... Until I realized I was parked, in the dark, with a camera pressed between the window and my face looking into a strangers home and people were driving by looking.

Sigh.

Lizard Humanoids!

2008-10-16T10:35:00.003-06:00

I think John McCain is a lizard person, a la "V" the Miniseries. Here's proof, taken from last nights debate:

Does this not worry anyone else? Those lizard aliens are dangerous, or so I've read. I found a nifty website with true stories of alien lizard people and I decided to share some of my favorite quotes for your enjoyment:

"LIZARD PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MENTIONED IN THE BIBLE. WHY IS MAN KIND SURPRISED. IT WAS A SERPENT WHO SPOKE TO EVE (RIGHT). FROM MY UNDERSTANDING FULL BLOODED (ALIENS) CAN ONLY REPRODUCE WITH REPTILES (SNAKES AND LIZARDS) NOT HUMANS. THIS IS WHERE WE GET LIZARD PEOPLE. BUT ALIENS WE CALL (ANGELS) CAN AND HAVE REPRODUCED WITH HUMAN WOMEN. THE BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE THE REBELLION. THE WAR WILL END, ONLY WHEN THE CREATOR IS READY! DON'T BE HARD HEADED, ASK FOR FORGIVENESS!!! "

"I had a very particular encounter with the lizard sort a few months ago. It happened when me and my wife Matilda were at the laundrey-mat. I was gathering a load of assorted garments, and Matilda was leaving to go to the car to get the money we needed to pay the laundrey people. The last I saw of her was when the sidewalk exploded and out popped a lizard person, who drug her down to what I presume a fiery grave. To this day, I lay flowers at the door of that laundrey-mat, and I still cannot bring myself to gaze into those smeared glass doors, in which my lovely Matilda spent her last moments of her life above the Surface. What I assume happened, is that this "Lizard Person" needed a mate of the humanoid sort."

"I plan to rally an army against these lizard-demons, and drive them into space where they belong."

"Lizards are sacred to me. I will not allow anyone to step on one of them regardless of their size. I see them as guardian angels of the future, and I feel offended by all the negative things others are saying about them. Yes, they are reptilian like and run on their hind legs. They do not eat humans. They love to rest on top of roofs. God bless the lizards!!!"

"Greetings, I am Ashtar of the POOP (Protection Organization Ordacity People), section of the Federation of Light. I would like to inform the people on this site, about the impending threats of lizard men, and the things which you call "greys". First of all the lizard men who you people are so intent on destroying, can simply be destroyed by saying the words Kebert Xela in an irish accent. Also, there is no such thing as a "grey". These rumors you people are spreading are doing nothing but making people fear the "grey"'s, which they need not. I hope this has been helpful."

"Well I just wanna say I saw one in 2003 in west virginia with my ex...i was sleeping and a white male (younger looking pope like) he just stared at me and i got up..he was standing above me....i couldnt move though....he spoke to me in a french accent...i couldnt understand what he said...but he was in my head..i assume he said he is not from here and is an alien on this planet...he looked kinda transparent but solid...he had on a black cloak....and he smirked at me..."

"There is NO Reptilian species. I repeat, there is NO Reptilian species."

These and other gems can be found here.

Now let me ask you this, and it is my final argument for not voting for McCain: do you really want to see someone as untrustworthy as a Lizard Person in charge of your family, country, etc? Think about it.

Thoughts

2008-10-15T16:51:00.002-06:00

This post will be all over the board. Too much on the old mind. First, thoughts on tonights debate, and political fun-fun:

Check this link: www.palinaspresident.com

As per Ayers- McCain has some ridiculous notion that this is a big deal. Personal to McCain: Here's a big deal:
Fucking idiot.

What will I be doing in honor of our third and final debate tonight? Drinking, of course! I got a few bottles of my latest favorite cheapish wines (California's Gnarley Head 2006 Old Vine Zin and South Africa's 2006 Goats do Roam Rouge- get it? Côtes du Rhône? I'm a wine nerd.) and I'm makin' up some yummy hors d'œuvres to take over to my friends place. Dessert will be my special Thai-style mango black rice "pudding" (think mangos, coconut and black rice- oh my!) That, along with an array of local sausages, hummus, cheeses, veggies, tapenades, crackers and spreads should hold the three of us over for those grueling few hours of Obama kicking McCain's ass.

Lastly, you never got this link from me- and depending on where you work, it's probably not the kind of thing you want your boss seeing over your shoulder. Again, you never heard it from me.

Think McCain will save you money?

2008-10-14T21:27:00.005-06:00

Think again. His camp keeps telling us that we'll loose money with Obama's tax plan, and save money with his. Here's Obama's smart reaction to it: His own tax calculator!

Goddamn Obama is smart. And the McCain campaign will continue to lie and lie and lie.

Target Practice

2008-10-14T15:39:00.002-06:00

"Kill him!" This is what someone yelled during a Palin rally in Pennsylvania today. They were referring to Barack Obama.

"However, someone did shout out, "Kill him!" during Republican congressional candidate Chris Hackett's remarks before Mrs. Palin took the stage."

Ok. So, yeah, sometimes I make remarks about using Palin as "target practice." And yeah, I have sent text messages to Tor asking him if I could do so with his Keltec SU-16. And yeah, I was joking. I only said those things because Palin is a gun lady herself, and she likes to shoot wild animals from helicopters. I would never, though, go to an Obama rally and yell "Kill her!". That's hateful, and I highly doubt that man who shouted, "Kill him!" was joking. No one says that in good humor. I couldn't find transcripts of what Hackett's remarks were about Obama, but they surely couldn't be elegant to provoke that sort of hatred.

Anyhow, here's a great video full of hate, from the lady herself :

Video of the Day

2008-10-13T17:40:00.000-06:00

Too.Fucking.Cute.

Photo of the Day

2008-10-13T10:25:00.002-06:00

"Hockey Mom" booed??

2008-10-12T22:54:00.006-06:00

At the Philadelphia Flyers game the other night, Palin dropped the first puck. Did I hear "boo" in the air?

Not so hot for the self-proclaimed "Hockey Mom", right? Skeptics can listen to this video that clearly has boo's mixed in with the applause:

Intense, non? I love Philadelphia... I wonder if they have a film business there?

Couch Surfer

2008-10-12T13:28:00.006-06:00

I recently became a couch surfer, via the bona fide website CouchSurfing . My profile is here , and I've had a few requests to surf on my couch but each time I've been working, and just didn't have the time to host a stranger in my home. I got contacted last week to host someone driving through from Arizona to Washington DC, and since I'm not working, I said yes. This is awesome on many levels, one being the joy of making connections, helping people out, bringing the community together, blah blah blah. The best aspect of this? A wonderful excuse to clean my apartment and take photos of it for my profile on CouchSurfing and so it isn't covered with dust from yesterdays storm. Here's what it looks like (in case you're interested, or you've never seen my pad before):

What you walk into.

Is that a GOLD refrigerator??

It is, indeed. I painted it because someone before me put stickers all over it. I hate stickers.

If you are in the kitchen, this is what the living room looks like.

More of the living room.
The almighty bathroom.

The coolest room in the place: my bedroom.

I need more dead things to hang on my wall. Volunteers?

When I look at these photos all grouped together I feel like my place is one big chaotic mess. It's also missing something: Maxwell, the cat. He's in hiding today- he hates the vacuum. Next time I'll lure him out to be photographed as well. Anyhow, I'm quite excited about my house guest tomorrow, he seems like a really nice guy, has couch surfed all over the world- it should prove to be interesting.

Update:

John ended up crashing elsewhere last night (Monday). There was confusion if a friend of his who lives here was to be in town or not, and it turns out she was. So, we're going to breakfast this morning instead. I was a little crushed, but, at least now I have a ridiculously clean apartment.

Baby Shark Has No Father!

2008-10-12T10:01:00.000-06:00

"Shark" 1991, Damien Hirst

I've been saying this for a long time, how amazing sharks are. My dad insisted when I was young that they are the "perfect species", because over hundreds of years, they haven't evolved at all. Why? Because they are made perfectly for what they do. I think sharks are generally misunderstood- I have a soft spot for them. Whenever there's a shark article I rush to read it, because nine times out of ten, it'll be about how amazing they are. (Well, if they're not killing people.)

The other morning came this article from CNN talking about how they just proved the second immaculate conception in a shark. I just think that's amazing. Apparently this is the second record of this happening (in a Zoo, at least), and that this is something that other species, like some bony fish, amphibians, reptiles- even birds can do as well. Sadly, this doesnt mean that we should get our hopes up,

"The scientists cautioned that the rare asexual births should not be viewed as a possible solution to declining global shark populations. The aquarium sharks that reproduced without mates each carried only one pup, while some species can produce litters of a dozen or more.

"It is very unlikely that a small number of female survivors could build their numbers up very quickly by undergoing virgin birth," Chapman said."

Furthermore, the scientists say that virgin birth pups have a lesser chance of survival, given that they would be more susceptible to diseases and disorders.

Bodybuilding, the other gay sport

2008-10-10T10:04:00.003-06:00

I think I have too much time on my hands. But it was fun, wasn't it?

100% Failure Rate

2008-10-09T15:11:00.003-06:00

Five years ago, almost to the day, I was the Reverend at my friend Sophie's wedding. I wrote the whole speech, got up there and did my thing, and they were married. It was a young wedding, but cute and sweet... But we all knew it was never going to work. I had my hopes though, being the Reverend and all.

A few years passed when not-so-suddenly, Paul and Sophie split up. I remember after finding out going to Joe Bar ( my favorite place in the world ) and seeing my old art history professor-turned friend, Steven Vroom. I told him what the deal was and he got really excited,

"Well, you know what this means, right?"
"No... That I suck?"
"It means that you have 100% failure rate!"
"Why is that a good thing?"
"Think of the business you could get- it would be a real selling point to mother-in-laws! You could take her aside and be like, 'Don't worry now, I have 100% failure rate- it's all going to work out great!' Think about it! This is so exciting!"

I've joked about this for a few years now. It was set in stone today, as I was informed by Sophie: the papers were signed and filed this morning. I now officially have 100% Failure Rate. I haven't completely decided how I feel about it yet. But I should probably start making some new business cards, right? I am still ordained after all.

Best of the Worst II

2008-10-08T23:53:00.002-06:00

A continuation from my July 11th addition, where I posted some of the more ridiculous responses I've gotten from my personal ad online. Enjoy.

"I was having this discussion with my buddy Jon the other day and maybe you can help me settle it. So if you were to get a Elvis impersonator of your birthday party would you get a fat or skinny Elvis? I'm so going with the Fat Elvis."
(I actually went for a beer with this guy, who turned out to be a Mason, and not funny at all.)

" you are hot and sexy, to bad you are not closer to colorado springs"
(Yeah, too bad. )

" nice day eh?"

My favorites are the run-on sentences like this one, it makes me want to say them out loud really fast:
"hello my name is brad and i have recently moved to the albuquerque area and have been looking to meet new people so i saw your profile and thought that maybe we could talk some and maybe hangout sometime if you have any questions ask them"

Then there's Ebonics:
"ey!wots goin on?just came accross ur profile, u r pretty n u luk like a fun person. i like ur profile n wld luv 2 keep in touch wit u.hola wen u get dis."

" will you write back?"
(Probably not...)

" do you want to meet up?"

The absolutly retarded, his subject was "What's Reiki?"
" oh and its good your eyes are the seeing kind that woulb be unfortunate if they weren't.
so when you say religion: and laughing about it. R U laughing at all religion in that instance?"
(Clarification: Under a question that asks what people notice first about me I put, "I have huge eyes, the seeing kind"- har har, get it? Then they give you options of what religion you study and how you feel about it, I didn't select any and selected their choices of "and laughing about it" so it reads, "Religion: and laughing about it.")

"I know I am pretty much your opposite on the political spectrum of things. Though I am willing to debate any topic. So feel free to lock horns with me on any subject. If I don't give you an answer its because I haven't had the time yet to research the subject to give you an honest opinion."

The most depressing response ever:
"Into politics,eh? Work in movies,eh? Well so far you seem cool. How are you feeling in this great state of things? We are living in a world where after 8 years of W. Bush,people are STILL considering a Republican for President."

" I lived in Albuquerque for four years while going to UNM. I like
the town and the people. I am enjoying looking around on cupid.
I am mostly checking out women who live up north as I am near Taos. You seem like you are not into settleing down and having
kids. "
He's right, I'm not into "settleing down" at all.

"Heloo how are you tonight!? MY name is Mike and im online looking to meet up with a fun outgoing girl to spend time with and just have a good time. Im pretty open minded and up for whatever."
I really love emails like this. They make no sense. "Outgoing", "good time" and "up for whatever" mean many things to different people. I also love the fact that they don't bother proof-reading their emails... maybe that's what they mean by having a good time and being up for whatever? Not proof-reading... that's CRAZY!

"If you like what you see drop me a line maybe we can chat"

"Just came from Pacific Northwest. Was a Trooper in WA. Where you from?"
Ugh... a trooper? My profile just screams "I want to date cops!" doesn't it?

"Hello there lady. Im wanting to get into movies.I want to do pyrotechnics and stundriving. Im saving to got to cali for that. I would love to chat with u"
I've since taken off what I do for a living on my profile. I get way too many messages like this.

Ugh, that's enough for one sitting, I'm going to go slit my wrists now.

Click on this link:

2008-10-08T19:14:00.001-06:00

PBS Poll

Vote and pass it on. Or be dead to me.

Tonights Debate

2008-10-07T21:58:00.002-06:00

I missed it. I decided that yoga would be a much calmer, less hate-filled, relaxing way to spend the evening. And it was. I just got home and found this little gem, showing Obama reaching out to shake McCain's hand post-debate only to be rejected... It's gracefully funny:

Grilled Cheeseburger

2008-10-07T15:51:00.002-06:00

This is a hilarious post and comment thread- especially considering it's coming from Seattle, the land of the vegan/vegetarian/raw foodists. It's even got me craving one, enter at your own risk.

It reminded me of how awhile back the same blog had a deep-frying kick. It all started with posting the most disgusting recipes, and ended with the office trying to deep fry everything, then critique it. My favorite recipe I have yet to try. But watch out, I might just bring it to your dinner party as a joke. Here it is:

Bacon Cheese and Beer Dog

Ingredients:
1 hot dog
1 slice of thick-cut bacon
1 can of spray cheese
1 can beer (It doesn't matter what kind, but we recommend something dark. Corona probably isn't a good idea)
1 cup flour
Oil for frying

Instructions:
This one is a little work-intensive, so be ready to buckle down. First take the center out of the hot dog with an apple corer, if you have access to one. If not, just cut out the middle with a knife. Fill the cavity with the spray cheese and use the hot dog you removed from the middle as a cap to keep the cheese in. Wrap the bacon around the hot dog and deep-fry for two to four minutes or until bacon is cooked. Dab them dry with a paper towel (so the batter will stick). Mix the beer with the flour until it reaches a thick, but lump-free consistency. Dip the dogs in the batter, coating the dog completely, and deep-fry on high heat for two to three minutes or until brown and deadly.
NOTE: Don't fry them too long or all of the cheese will explode out into the oil. That's very bad.

Yes, that would be very bad. One has to admit though, that this does sound pretty amazing. It'll probably clog all your arteries and then some, but it still seems worth trying some day.... right?

Latest Polls

2008-10-07T09:37:00.001-06:00

Thank God.

The Birds!

2008-10-07T09:05:00.002-06:00

Last night someone told me about the freak bird incident involving Randy Johnson:

It reminded me of the Fabio incident, where he was on a roller coaster and a goose hit his face.

I really love the girl next to him who is laughing. Can you imagine the horror? You're screaming your way down a roller coasters slope and a huge bird hits your face? So hard that there's blood, everywhere? I found an old article about it from CNN that states this:

"Following the incident, Fabio was taken to a local hospital, where he was treated for minor cuts and released. A Busch Gardens spokeswoman said, "He's absolutely fine." The condition of the bird was unknown."

I hoped that the bird had made it, but I found another article:

"Fabio declined to talk after the incident and instead opted to return to Los Angeles missing the evening media event. As for the bird he did not fair so well. According to one park guest a dead goose could be seen floating in the river below the drop where Fabio was supposedly hit."

Poor Fabio. Poor Bird.

Saturday Addition

2008-10-04T16:46:00.004-06:00

More fun with Palin, from Sullivan :

"She really does just make things up. In last night’s debate she said:

“When I and others in the legislature found out that we had some millions of dollars [of Permanent Fund investments] in Sudan, we called for divestment through legislation of those dollars.”

Yep: you guessed it:

A search of news clips and transcripts from the time do not turn up an instance in which Palin mentioned the Sudanese crisis or concerns about Alaska’s investments tied to the ruling regime. Moreover, Palin’s administration openly opposed the bill, and stated its opposition in a public hearing on the measure."

And this makes me wish I had cable:

You didn't hear it from me...

2008-10-03T17:54:00.001-06:00

Warning: Worst joke ever...don't kill the messenger.

Via The Stranger Offices

You Betcha!

2008-10-03T11:27:00.004-06:00

In most post-debate polls Biden won about 51-36. Thank God. My post-debate thoughts include:

1. Biden needs to stop saying the word "theocracy" because the only people who knows what it means are already voting for Obama.

2. If I have to hear Palin say "in-FRA-structure" one more time....

3. But I want to be called a "Maverick" too!

Happy Friday!

Overheard at Palin Debate Camp

2008-10-02T17:54:00.001-06:00

1984

2008-10-01T11:49:00.002-06:00

I just threw up in my mouth a little. Two things: What is she wearing? And, those crossed eyes are embedded in my brain forever.

I.M. Pei

2008-09-30T08:34:00.004-06:00

1963- Luce Memorial Chapel, Tunghai University, Taiwan

1974- East Wing, National Gallery, Washington D.C.

1989- Pyramide du Louvre, Paris, France

1998- Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland, OH

1973- Johnson Museum of Art, Ithaca, NY

1990- The Bank of China Tower, Hong Kong, China

1998- John Joseph Moakley United States Courthouse and Harborpark,
Boston, Mass.

1993- United States Holocaust Museum, Washington, D.C.

1996- San Francisco Main Public Library, San Francisco, CA

"Bull snake in sink drain"

2008-09-29T19:36:00.002-06:00

Google that, and my blog comes up as number four. What the fuck.

UPDATE:

Now of course, since posting this, I'm number one on the search. I kind of ruined it, didn't I?

This, my friends,

2008-09-29T09:35:00.002-06:00

is pure gold.

Ha HA!

2008-09-28T15:39:00.004-06:00

The only good part about it is you can play online and watch all the bad TV you wish without feeling guilty. I got sick late last night after a day of (free) work on a friends short film. I'm obviously skipping out today because I was up every 30 minutes last night, and am still feeling a little woozy. I have no idea where it came from, especially considering I only ate apples and salad yesterday. My mom blames the lettuce, saying it was tainted. If that's the case, and I cant even trust salad- well that's fucked up.

I just ventured to the co-op to get electrolyte water (I actually had dreams last night about drinking water- but I couldn't hold anything down in real life). After giving the cashier my co-op number he said in a thick african accent, "You have many names." Assuming he was referring to the "Jennifer" and the "Jane" I nodded, but then he pointed to his name tag, "Ife". Totally confused I looked at him like, "huh?" and he then pointed to the "ife" in my "Jennifer". Pretty cute.

Other newsies:

Tina Fey is awesome:

Biden rumors
(from England, dad)

This would be screwy.

The McCain "Horseshit" rumor is hilarious.

Bailout, cont.

Another Gay for Palin!

2008-09-27T01:14:00.000-06:00

Next time I will be more prepared:

2008-09-27T01:05:00.003-06:00

The Official Stranger Debate Drinking Game™!

Drink every time:

• McCain flashes that creepy grimace/smile.

• Obama says, “Now, listen.”

• McCain refers to himself as a maverick.

• Barack Obama says “What you need to understand is…” or “The important thing to remember is that…” or “What these people don’t realize is that…”

• John McCain mentions “change.”

• McCain looks as if he expects (but doesn’t get) applause for something he just said.

• Obama gets applause for saying something that normally wouldn’t deserve applause.

Take a shot whenever:

• McCain talks about his POW status.

• Obama says “multi-task.”

• Hillary Clinton’s name is spoken (by any of the three).

• Obama mentions God. (Congrats, you’re the designated driver.)

Finish drink and pour two more if:

• Anyone says “the fundamentals of our economy are strong.”

• John McCain tries to move his arms above his shoulders.

Do a line if:

• Obama refers to past drug use and calls it “bitchin’.”

Put on lipstick and kiss your dog if:

• The pitbull/lipstick/hockey mom thing is mentioned.

Who wants to come over and play this next time?

She has this power over me.....

2008-09-26T11:26:00.002-06:00

She makes it too easy. I'm forwarning you of a long post regarding that ~~psychotc bitch~~ Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. She's seriously the gift that keeps giving. First, regarding ~~what a fucking idiot~~ how badly she speaks without a teleprompter- from an interveiw with Katie Couric:

Couric: Why isn’t it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries? Allow them to spend more, and put more money into the economy, instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

Palin: That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and getting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.

and more:
Couric: You’ve cited Alaska’s proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

Palin: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land— boundary that we have with— Canada. It— it’s funny that a comment like that was— kind of made to— cari— I don’t know, you know? Reporters—

Couric: Mock?

PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that’s the word, yeah.

COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.

PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our— our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They’re in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia—

COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We— we do— it’s very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where— where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is— from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to— to our state.

(oh my god) and more (on the $700 billion bailout):
Couric: If this doesn’t pass, do you think there’s a risk of another Great Depression?

Palin: Unfortunately, that is the road that America may find itself on. Not necessarily this, as it’s been proposed, has to pass or we’re going to find ourselves in another Great Depression. But, there has got to be action - bipartisan effort - Congress not pointing fingers at one another but finding the solution to this, taking action, and being serious about the reforms on Wall Street that are needed.

Couric: Would you support a moratorium on foreclosures to help average Americans keep their homes?

Palin: That’s something that John McCain and I have both been discussing - whether that … is part of the solution or not. You know, it’s going to be a multi-faceted solution that has to be found here.

Wow. She never ceases to amaze me. Here's yet another amazing quote, from a different reporter, where she links Iraq to 9/11:
Reporter: Do you think that our presence in Iraq and Afghanistan—our continued military presence there—is inflaming Islamic extremists?

Palin: I think our presence in Iraq and in Afghanistan will lead to further security of our nation. Again, because the mission is to take the fight over there, do not let them come over here and attempt again what they accomplished here. And that was some destruction. Terrible destruction on that day. But, since September 11th, Americans uniting and rebuilding and committing to never letting that happen again.

Ok, so now for the fun stuff. Apparently, while running for office in 2006, Palin claimed (a few times, in fact) to have gay friends. According to my sources no one has been able to find said "gay friends". So Dan Savage, King of all Gays, has taken it upon himself to rewrite history and become Sarah's gay BFF. Here's his video, asking her to be his friend:

He called on other gays to make videos, and they're rolling in. Here's another:

Now I'm thinking about making one, being a fag hag and all, just because if she wants to be a fruit fly, she's going to have to learn from the best, right? But my favorite part is what Savage says in his post on the subject:

"Did Sarah Palin lie about having gay friends? Looks that way. But why would this darling of the religious right lie about having gay friends? Palin probably figured that having gay friends—or claiming to have gay friends—would help her appeal to the kind of moderate voters turned off by gay-bashing religious batshits. So while Palin supports every last hateful position taken by the likes of James Dobson and Fred Phelps, she was able to point to her imaginary gay friends to prove to moderate voters that she doesn’t actually, you know, hate gay people herself. Hey, she can’t! She’s got gay friends! (It’s kind of like how John McCain has a gay chief of staff proves that he’s not anti-gay. He may take every anti-gay position imaginable, throw his lot in with the haters, and cast anti-gay votes at nearly every opportunity. But he’s not anti-gay, no sir!)"

God I love gays. Happy Friday!

Yoga Cats

2008-09-24T09:47:00.002-06:00

Last night after yoga the most precious thing happened. I was walking out, talking to Lex and Maryse, when we look across the parking lot, and under a streetlight are about 7 little kittens playing. The mom was sitting nearby, and these kittens were just jumping and running around like crazy. It was painfully cute to watch the little things jumping around and over the grass, attacking each other, clawing at moms tail... I had to share. Maybe next week I'll have my camera and I'll get some photos if they're still there.

Promo

2008-09-23T17:57:00.002-06:00

Here is the latest project involving one of my favorite people, Jayson Potter. He's the hot guy in the phone booth.

It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way! from Eli Martin on Vimeo.

This movie looks campy and while a little over the top, it seems like the kind of movie I like to work on. It cracked me up, and I'm proud of Jaysons film debut.

For those of you who don't know our history, I met Jayson through my ex Andrew shortly after I got back from France in '99. I moved to Seattle to start school and we hit it off straight away. One of my fondest memories with Jayson was when we were to meet Andrew at his staff party across town- Jayson being from Oregon and me being new: we had no idea how to get there. We set off with a bottle of Absolut Mandarin and some cranberry juice in his backpack. Three drunken bus rides, a potty break in someone's yard and a cab ride later, we arrived at the party with empty bottles and a very pissed off boyfriend. All of Andrew's co-workers were sure that Jayson and I were having an affair, and got Andrew thinking the same. Shortly after that we became roommates, Jayson came out (duh), and we still get together on a yearly basis to get a little crazy. I can't wait to go back up to Seattle and get tucked in by him and his partner Jason this December. Love those Ja(y)ons.

One more for the road

2008-09-23T10:30:00.003-06:00

Sarah Palin, she's just a huge liar, via Sullivan :

- She has lied about the Bridge To Nowhere. She ran for office favoring it, wore a sweatshirt defending it, and only gave it up when the federal congress, Senator McCain in particular, went ballistic. She kept the money anyway and favors funding Don Young's Way, at twice the cost of the original bridge.

- She has lied about her firing of the town librarian and police chief of Wasilla, Alaska.

- She has lied about pressure on Alaska's public safety commissioner to fire her ex-brother-in-law.

- She has lied about her previous statements on climate change.

- She has lied about Alaska's contribution to America's oil and gas production.

- She has lied about when she asked her daughters for their permission for her to run for vice-president.

- She has lied about the actual progress in constructing a natural gas pipeline from Alaska.

- She has lied about Obama's position on habeas corpus.

- She has lied about her alleged tolerance of homosexuality.

- She has lied about the use or non-use of a TelePrompter at the St Paul convention.

- She has lied about her alleged pay-cut as mayor of Wasilla.

- She has lied about what Alaska's state scientists concluded about the health of the polar bear population in Alaska.

You cannot trust a word she says. On anything.

I didn't come, looking for trouble

2008-09-21T14:46:00.003-06:00

Anyone who disagrees with me after watching these videos that football is the gayest sport out there is wrong. Watch and enjoy.

Mark Takamichi Miller

2008-09-21T11:02:00.001-06:00

This guy. What can I even begin to say about him? I wanted to say that he ruined my Freshman year at Cornish College of the Arts, but he didn't at all. I wanted to hate him so bad, yet I learned so much from the sonofabitch. He was my drawing teacher- I had him my very first day of college. I thought I was going to die: he said some of the most fucked up, uncalled for, rude things I've ever heard someone say in real life- and that was only on the first day.

I remember the class going next door to St. Marks. Our assignment was to draw the cathedral. I'm sitting there on the grass, nervous as hell, trying to draw this ugly excuse of a building (that place really isn't all that), and I'm sitting next to this Barbie-looking girl, Cassie. She's trying even harder than I am, and Mark, our Professor approaches her. As he looks over her shoulder she says, "I just don't think I can draw this. I'm not good at drawing." In my head I'm thinking, 'Dude, just try, it's the first day...' Then Mark responds with his gay valley girl accent, "Well....maybe you're dyslexic? Maybe you shouldn't be in art school...." And walked away. I looked at Cassie like, "What the fuck." She smiled but I just knew he had ruined it for her. For the rest of the semester whenever Mark walked by Cassie in class he'd say, "Poor Cassie...." Of course, she ended up dropping out later that year. Many moons later, Keith Tilford (by far the most successful artist from our class) laughed as he remembered the story. How was that remotely funny, I asked him. Keith smiled and said, "That's Mark, he's fucking amazing."

Apparently Mark used to be a practicing psychologist. He would say things like he said to Cassie all the time. Once, while drawing a still-life, he came up to me and after a long drawn-out "hmmmmmmm" he turned my easel upside down and said, "OH, that's so much better." My favorite moment was after his son, Eli, was born he told me why he named him what he did. "Eli is such a bad name. I want him to get into fights, and Eli just seemed like a fighter. Don't you agree?" By then I got his humor, and it was funny, but still in a 'what the fuck' way.

He had a way of making comfortable situations extremely uncomfortable. I was one of two students that actually came to school during the WTO protests. So there we were, drawing in class, when Mark approaches me. Again, with his gay valley girl voice (he's not gay, by any means, but he has this drawl you'd only hear in the valley) he says, "So.... Eilish over there thinks you're pretty. She wants to draw you. Is that Ok? Are you Ok with that? Because I can tell her 'no.'" I look over, and Eilish, who I had not met yet is looking at me, and the whole thing had me feeling pimped out, so to speak. Oh well, sure, I said. And it ended up fine, but still- he added in this whole drama to it that made the situation more than it was. Over time I began to appreciate his way of dealing/fucking with people. My distaste for his communication skills turned into a love.

I had forgotten about Mark Miller until this last week I heard about a show he has up in Seattle called, "Thieves". I took a gander and, it is fucking amazing. I found one of his websites explaining the project , and I love it. It's such a great concept: to take deserted rolls of film and bring them back to life. Previous rolls/shows are mostly from Costco. I love what he says on the site about Costco, "I love going to Costco, so no matter where I am I try to go to the local Costco and see how it differs from the Costcos in my area. So as soon as my plane landed in Maui I dragged my wife and kid to Costco. They had some neat local specialties there." Again, that's his humor. I mean, who the fuck likes to go to Costco? Really?
I guess he used to be able to buy deserted rolls of film at Costco. He would buy them, paint images from them, then take photos of the paintings and take them back to Costco. The most recent show, Thieves, has a better story. His old co-worker from the Seattle Art Museum had his car broken into years ago. Everything in the car is fine, except for a roll of film with a business card reading, "Associated Counsel for the Accused" wrapped around it, secured with a rubber band and laying on the seat. His friend never developed it, and eventually gave it to Mark to paint. As Miller says of the contents, "When I developed the roll I found lots of party scenes with very high people, gang signs, and a pit bull." This is his best series yet- the images are not only beautiful, but they tell a story full of blanks and negative space. They lead the viewer to come to their own conclusion of the accused; What were they doing? What were they high on? The way he leaves out most of the picture keeps it anonymous. Brilliant.
His work is showing at The Howard House in Seattle until the 27th. Someone's gotta go for me and report back.

I'd beat him with the arm he just bit off me.

2008-09-18T12:20:00.005-06:00

1 minute, 9 seconds

If I were Palin's daughter....

2008-09-18T12:20:00.003-06:00

...my name would be Creation Schwarzkopf Palin. God, mom.
Find yours out here and post it in the comments- I'm curious to hear others.

Must...Need....Oil....

2008-09-17T10:59:00.003-06:00

This is un-fucking-believable :

"The majestic grizzly bear, once king of the Western wilderness but threatened with extinction for a third of a century, has roared back in Montana.

The finding, from a $4.8 million, five-year study of grizzly bear DNA mocked by Republican presidential candidate John McCain as pork barrel spending, could help ease restrictions on oil and gas drilling, logging and other development."

But look, a video of a cute cat! (Thanks to Jessica )

Thai Tip

2008-09-16T18:01:00.003-06:00

This morning I woke up to a lost voice, which turned into a sore throat, that turned into a hoarse lounge-singer voice (yes, my voice can get lower.) I decided it was time for my old trick: Thai food.

I have been more than disappointed with the Thai food selection here, especially after living in Seattle with Jamjuree nearby. I looked up Thai food on Duke City Fix and the verdict for best Thai in Albuquerque seemed to be Thai Tip (it doesn't have a website because no one has a fucking website here- WTF?) I called in and had a painful (throat-wise) yet funny conversation with a guy at the restaurant about how spicy I should have it. I asked if they did stars? "Oh no, we don't want people to get confused by other restaurants in the area. Here we actually use words." I managed a laugh and he replied, "I'm not kidding. We say 'mild', 'medium', etc." After a long discussion of what "hot" meant to him (apparently hot meant "hotter than any new mexican food you can find") I settled with medium.

Thai Tip is actually a 15-20 minute drive from my place (I wanted good Thai that bad), but with the construction on the highway it ended up being more like an hour. It was worth it though. When got home I opened up my box o' panang (the best Thai dish ever) and my eyes burned the curry was so hot. I made it through a quarter of it before I realized I couldn't feel the inside of my mouth anymore. It was actually a good thing, because I don't want to feel how much my throat hurts right now. It's not the best panang I've ever had, but it beats the other lousy places I've been here so far.

So if you live in Albuquerque, for whatever god-awful reason, take your pathetic self over to Thai Tip for a hellishly spicy bowl of panang.

YUM.

Thanks Kyle

2008-09-11T16:21:00.000-06:00

One last thought, then it's over...

2008-09-11T13:49:00.003-06:00

If they let Sarah Palin into the White House, and not Hilary Clinton (even though I loathe her too, she's got something Palin doesn't: experience).... I would be very very disappointed. It' disturbing just thinking about.

Carry on.

The End of an Era

2008-09-11T12:41:00.002-06:00

I have to stop hating on Sarah Palin. It's going to be hard, but it's just fueling bad juju, and emotionally I just can't take it anymore. It's giving Republicans reason to attack liberals for being "sexist". Sure, we've all heard the terms, that Palin is "political Viagra" or a "Republican blowup doll," but it doesnt help what the real fight is: change. It's cliché, but it works.

And yeah, this woman is a right-winged sociopath. She scares the living shit out of me. I take it personal that people support her. It gives me a horrible feeling in my stomach that people defend her actions. It's true, she inquired twice about banning books from Wasilla's Public Library and a few weeks later fired the librarian (only to re-hire her after a public outrage).

Her religious belief system is creepy, she's pro-life even in cases of rape, incest and even when the life of the mother/child is at risk, she is pro-creationism, she opposes sex education and favors abstinence instruction only, thinks that global warming may not even exist, and if it does, it is not the result of human actions (!!!!) and lastly, she likes to shoot animals from helicopters. Don't forget she supports the oil companies. All that is good enough reason not to want her anywhere near the White House. I'm not even going to get into how hypocritical she is about abstinence-only education seeing that her 17 year old daughter cant even abide to it- gee, Sarah, you think your multi-billion dollar abstinence program works??

Aside from all of this, McCain is so dying soon.

Ok, the rant ends now. I cant promise to never bring her up here again, because lord knows what's going to pop out of her next... But I'll try. And, for old times sake, here's one last one for the road:

VPILF

2008-09-10T12:16:00.002-06:00

Someone pointed this out to me yesterday:

And I think it's brilliant. You can buy it here.

Mayor Palin

2008-09-02T12:06:00.002-06:00

A quote from a Times article:

"Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. "She asked the library how she could go about banning books," he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. "The librarian was aghast." That woman, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn't be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire Baker for not giving "full support" to the mayor.

St. George, however, points out that Palin couldn't have seen everything through an Evangelical lens. She did, he says, notably resist calls to restrict operating hours for the bars in town."

Well that's great- she wants to ban books or else fire librarians, and keep the bars open long hours. I guess if her priority is drinking and not learning, she gets my vote!

Awesome! (And yes, I totally realize that's photoshopped, she'd look way hotter in a bikini than that.)

Holy Trailer-Trash, Batman! Pt. 2

2008-09-01T22:21:00.001-06:00

I am now calling this Gov. Palin scandal "Waterbreak".

Holy Trailer-Trash, Batman!

2008-09-01T11:46:00.002-06:00

Despite rumors of her being pregnant then, I guess she's really pregnant now.

This story keeps getting better and better. Gov. Palin is a die-hard abstinence education evangelical. If she cant raise her own daughter to practice abstinence, why the fuck should the rest of us bother listening to her? Dan Savage says it best:

"The GOP has poured hundreds of millions of dollars into abstinence “education” programs over the last 10 years (with an assist from Democrats terrified of appearing “soft” on teen sex). This public investment of funds gives us the right to ask why Palin’s daughter, despite this massive outlay on the part of the American taxpayer and the example of her married heterosexual fundy parents, nevertheless become sexually active while still in high school."

Despite the fact that she's 17, she's still going to marry the father- so, it's all good. They will be a nice happy family at the age of 17.

I think Gustav came in perfect timing for all this who's-preggo-with-who's-baby stuff to roll over before the RNC begins. Any other liberals wanna have a picnic on Sarah Palin's deathbed today? I'm available until 3....

Best thing ever

2008-08-31T15:06:00.003-06:00

I cant stop. Organic Gala Apples and Raw Almond Butter. God damn.

Hair, it's all about the hair.

2008-08-26T14:47:00.003-06:00

Think I'm kidding? Well, check this out- I gave this ridiculous haircut to this actor, Jay Ferguson, an actor on the new TV show Easy Money that I've been working on. It was a group effort- half his idea, half mine. We both agreed on him getting the blond highlights. Mind you, this wasn't supposed to be a "serious" hair style, by any means. It was supposed to be funny and tacky. 1990's "Boy Band" if you will. This is what it looks like, from a continuity photo:

Now I read the news this morning and see the mugshots of the meth-crazed assholes who wanted to sniper down Obama in Denver. One of the accused hair looked awfully familiar....

The only difference is this one is in some serious needs of Sebastian Clay styling cream.

All roads lead back to hair, I'm telling you.

Ha Ha Just Kidding

2008-08-23T03:06:00.002-06:00

Silly Americans! Did you really think Obama would send you that text telling you who his running mate would be??

Well I did.

I still haven't gotten mine, yet somehow we all know by now it's Biden.

I'm a little heartbroken. I mean, a text. How hard is that?

"Be the first to know". Bullshit.

Speaking of texts, my new favorite lazy thing to do is call 1-800-2-Cha-Cha. You call, ask them a question, and they text the answer to you- for free! Well, texting fee's apply, but, whatever. I've asked so many questions and have gotten equal answers, such as:

"What's the atomic weight of carbon?"
"Who won the presidential debate last night?"
"What country's initials are ROU?"
"How much money do you win for a gold metal in the Olympics?"

The best question my pal Louis asked was, "Will I get laid tonight?" And ChaCha' s answer was, "The Magic 8 Ball says 'Try again!'"

I also recently discovered 1-800-GOOG-411. This is a free 411-style directory assistance. It works like Google, where they give you the top results. They connect you and text you the one you pick.

I love that the older I get, the lazier I can be.

Except for Obama, he really let me down. If only I didn't have jungle fever, this would've put me over the edge to vote for McCain, a prisoner of war.

Tampons for the People!

2008-08-20T10:18:00.002-06:00

I'm on a major rant. This has been bugging me most of my life: why do I have to buy tampons? That didn't come across right; of course know why. The bigger question is, how come it comes out of my pocket (the money you sicko)?

My argument: I didn't ask to be a woman. I didn't choose to be one either. Thus, I have no idea why I should personally go out of my way, once a month to buy (goddamn) tampons. My argument is furthered by the fact that people choose to have sex- they in some instances even ask to have sex. Planned Parenthood and other safe-sex/birth control cheerleaders provide free condoms to people who choose to have sex. How come- I'm honestly asking you- do women have to buy tampons? I have many ideas surrounding this, and it's a work in progress. I dont see why healthcare providers cannot supply tampons to women free of charge.

This all came about yesterday when I got my first ever personal Costco card and realized I could buy tampons- by the 100 for $11 a box. Now, let's do some math:

The average box of tampons cost $5.00
Of a box of 20, women will probably use one box a month (it might go over as well, but they still buy more each month.)
This adds up to $60 give or take a year. I'm not going to get into tax, gas, or other factors that will rack up the price.

The average woman starts menstruating at age 12, and stops at 51 (average year for menopause). This means over $2,300 is spent in a lifetime of tampons.

Every year, the women over 18 in the US spend over nine billion dollars on tampons.

I'm open to suggestion- I really think this should change. I've got some emails into people trying to work out a model plan... My dad thinks I should add chocolate into the mix, then I could call the movement "TAC" (tampons and chocolate). But as I said, "One doesn't have to use chocolate every month.." He replied, "And God help us you don't use tampons."

God help us.

A copy and paste from the Slog

2008-07-16T01:06:00.000-06:00

McCain on Gay Parents

posted by Dan Savage on July 15 at 8:23 PM

Gay parents are better than no parents at all—but just barely.

McCain’s expressed his personal preference for children to be raised by a mother and a father wherever possible. However, as an adoptive father himself, McCain believes children deserve loving and caring home environments, and he recognizes that there are many abandoned children who have yet to find homes. McCain believes that in those situations that caring parental figures are better for the child than the alternative.”—Jill Hazelbaker, Director of Communications

John McCain, however, is cool with states banning adoptions by same-sex couples, even if it means that many abandoned children will never find homes or caring parental figures to look after them. Oh, and speaking of abandoned children: McCain divorced his first wife in 1980 when their daughter, the youngest of their three children, was just 14 years old. So John McCain—who personally prefers for children to be raised by a mother and a father—abandoned three of his own children, depriving them of the kind of mother-and-father home that he believes children deserve. Except, you know, his own.

The Best of the Worst

2008-07-11T15:28:00.002-06:00

Here are the worst responses to my personal ad- seriously now, why no punctuation? Enjoy.

" hi there good evening I just came across your profile and wanted to introduce myself and say hello. How did your weekend go."

" how is it going? you seem like my type of woman. write me back if you're interrested. we can talk more than. talk to you later"

" so I was wondering.. u like underground hip hop?"

"can one be "environmentally aware" and also have interests that are intentionally environmentally destructive? Anyway, have a good one, gotta get back to work. *poof*"

"I think you are smart and beautiful. You eye's caught my attention then after reading your profile, I see you are smart and cool. We need to be friends and maybe more as time goes on. Write back when you get a chance. You might want to check out El Paso, or LA some time."

" You came prowling a few mins ago. Tell me you are still on."

"OK, you seem cool, and I wanted to say "hiiiii""

" hi. 18.m.cortez colorado. how r u?"

" Hi there..you seem like someone i would really like to talk to.."

"I am a model, and busy like u!"

" you know i grew up in alamogordo"

"somw times I smoke pot and just go for a walk. tonight going to the zoo show with a friend looking for a new friends."

"wow ur hottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt"

You guessed it, I never wrote back to any of these guys. It's worth the laugh though.

A Big Ol' Mess of an Update

2008-06-27T11:47:00.004-06:00

A follow-up to Sex & Lies in Sin City: Marcia Gay is totally beautiful, a pleasure to watch, the most talented actor I've worked with and an amazing mother to her twins. They were so cute. Modine is strange, and I think he really overplayed his part. Mena is the cutest little thing ever, and very fun to chat with. Johnathon and his wife were adorable- I had one, yet very funny conversation with him about ghosts. He and I agreed that they cannot hurt you, then a coworker came up and said, "Yeah, but what if they get in your body?" I love my job.

I have an upcoming job interview with a 13 episode TV series called Easy Money. I have yet to read the first two episodes they sent me, but wish me luck on Tuesday for the interview. It would be really great to work for a whole 14 weeks. Tiring but great.

Braggin'

2008-06-14T05:06:00.003-06:00

The film I'm working on right now, Sex & Lies in Sin City, has some bad-ass actors in it. Gush:

Mena Suvari:

Matthew Modine:

Marcia Gay Harden:

And Johnathon Schaech:
And yes, he really is that good-looking in real life. Same with Harden, except she also looks and acts like someone you could actually hang out with. They're all as beautiful as they are on screen and in the photos. Except Modine, although he looks the same in the flesh as in the above photo- he's not pretty by any means. He's really dramatic, too- in a funny way.

I'll tell all once I'm done working on it, but for now I just had to brag.

Name Change

2008-06-12T18:47:00.002-06:00

Help me understand that I'm not crazy....my name is Jennifer Jane Yawman, right?

Ok, that's what I thought.

Well then, how come my unemployment mail comes in as Jenifer Yamin and my PNM bill comes in as Jessica Yawmen? I've never had my name mixed up as much as I have since I've lived here. Why, God, WHY??

The New Enemy

2008-06-11T12:16:00.002-06:00

"McCain's wants to stay in Iraq until no more Americans are getting killed, no matter how long it takes and how many Americans get killed achieving that goal—that is, the goal of not getting any more Americans killed. And once that goal is achieved, we'll stay."

-Hendrik Hertzberg, from a commentary of an interview with John McCain by David Corn in The New Yorker

From the horses (McCain) mouth:

"And I can look you in the eye and tell you that this strategy is succeeding. And what we care about is not American presence. We care about American casualties. And those casualties will be dramatically and continue to be reduced."

"I can look you in the eye and tell you that those casualties tragically continue… But they are much less, and they are dramatically reduced and we will eventually eliminate them."

"But I can tell you that six months ago people like you, who believe like you do, said the surge would never succeed. It is succeeding."

Yeah! Vote McCain!!

Worth Blogging About

2008-06-09T00:41:00.007-06:00

Last night I had a "date" (I could say it wasn't, but let's face it, it totally was) with a guy I met through friends a week ago. He's pretty insanely cool, living with my pal Michael while he's in town filming Terminator 4. It's been funny, because he basically asked me out through another mutual friend whom I had already expressed interest through. It's all so high school, but they say you retreat back to the age you were when you started your last relationship...which means I'm 20. Awesome. Anyhow, he's in the biz and I had already hung out with him all the weekend before going to shows and back yard beer drinkin' but last night was our first time hanging out, planned, and without chaperons. His name is Chuck, he's a film dude.

Anyhow, I go over to his place, had back up beer in my car and left over pizza from Lana's Pizza Rio. He answers the door and I ask,
"Want some pizza?"
"Hell yeah!"
"Beer?"
"Hell yeah!"
(I love enthusiasm)
The evening continued well, good conversation- we're both travelers, serious about work, he's got a good laugh and can make me laugh, we had a pinball-play-off (I kicked his ass), more good talks... Some of the talks included his fear of bugs and how there are so many bugs hatching right now. He'd get up to show me the "60 different bugs outside" under the porch light. I had to eventually grab my set chair (yes, it's part of my supplies from work) from the back yard and he wouldn't come out because there was a "big juicy one" out there (maybe a cockroach?) This whole thing was cracking me up- this guy is a hot dude who is painfully afraid of bugs. I gave him a whole talk about how cockroaches wont hurt you, in fact they cant. Didn't help.

It was the end of the evening- he had to be up at 5am to blow up a gas station for T4- and I was ready to go home. We did the whole long drawn-out goodbye:
"Yeah, lets uh... hang out again soon"
"Yeah, totally, lets"
"Cool, well, maybe tomorrow I'll see you on set for the explosion"
"Awesome, yeah, maybe I'll see you there."
Seriously- forever. Then he opens the door and I step out, more of the "Cool, well, yeah, that was really fun, lets do this again" when we both look down and a two inch long cockroach runs inside aiming straight for him! My reaction was kinda blank, but his was this: he screamed, jumped, then slammed the door in my face. I busted out laughing, hysterically, got in my car and could see him in the house jumping around and trying to find something to kill it with.

I drive away blasting music to try to keep myself from laughing- really, try to picture a tough-looking brother screaming like a girl over a.....cockroach. Too fucking funny. So funny, that after laughing my whole way home I had to call him, he answers, then:
"Hey... just wanted to let you know that was the best exit I have ever seen in my life."
"(laughing) Yeah, that's what I'm good for."
"And I trust the cockroach is dead?"
"The motherfucker's dead. I locked myself in my room."
"You know, they can get through locked doors?"
"Don't tell me that!"

We ended it shortly after that. Needless to say, next time we go out it wont be somewhere bug-infested.

Animation fun-fun

2008-06-04T17:20:00.001-06:00

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Hey, he's just like ME!

2008-06-04T16:55:00.003-06:00

Obama and his wife shared a "fist bump" last night.... I do this all the time, which mean of course, that I love him even more!

Watch for it

2008-05-27T13:53:00.002-06:00

Human Tetris!!!

While this is really exciting, I'd like to see Ninja Warrior come to a broadcast station:

Dude, that Body Prop get me every time. sigh.

ouch.

2008-05-15T19:52:00.001-06:00

If Obama called me "Sweetie"...

2008-05-15T11:27:00.001-06:00

...I'd never wash my.. uh, ears?...again!

This is too much first thing in the morning,

2008-05-09T09:23:00.000-06:00

which is why I will share it with you. Enjoy.

What is this? A school for ANTS?

2008-04-28T15:00:00.002-06:00

She's on the road again. This time, as my friend Chai put it, it's “quite the adventure”. Indeed- it began before the crack of dawn this morning. I caught a cab to the bus station, where I eventually caught an hour-late bus to Farmington, NM. I caught a bit of rest as we left Albuquerque, and woke up to that beautiful brochure countryside that people come to New Mexico for. As I write this we are entering the Jemez Reservation, where I spent two weeks filming Linewatch last summer. This place is amazing- little white canyons that look more like an evil Gothic cathedral, sage scanning the horizon, layers or white, green and red rock and I'm very positive there are lots and lots of rattle snakes.

In fact, the Jemez natives consider snakes to be one of their deities. I remember this from the movie we filmed. As we arrived by bus at their pueblo I couldnt help but to notice snake holes everywhere. This is no exaggeration- I mean literally every 12 inches along the road there would be a snake hole maybe even two. The producer later told me that the natives snake charmer (they actually ask the snakes to come to their land) came out the day before and asked the snakes to stay inside their homes while we were there. For me, it worked, but for Cuba Gooding Jr., who saw two rattlers, it did not. There was only one time that I stepped out of the trailer only to see a group of Teamster dudes standing around a snake hole two feet from my hair trailer. They told me a five foot long bull snake had just slithered into the hole. I had barely missed it and I wasn't disappointed in the slightest.

I am including a photo of the guy across from me on this bus who is sleeping. He also, very aggressively cut me in line. He will never know of my revenge.

So the funniest thing happened when I got to the god-awful Grayhound station. It all began with me buying- no- me going out of my way to buy the best red chile sauce in Albuquerque to bring to the boys in Colorado this week. They sold it to me in one of those tall deli containers- nothing special and definitely not durable. Long story short, it spilled, not much, but enough to have to clean up, in its own plastic bag. The ladies room was closed for cleaning, and luckily the mess was concealed, so I waited for the restroom to open back up. When it did, I didn't go right away, I didn't want to seem, you know, hurried or anything. Plus bathrooms in fucking train and bus stations are like being on center stage with a spot light beaming down on you. Finally, I made my way for the bathroom- no one had gone in at this point, so I figured I was safe to do the nasty clean up without having to give people my “Yeah, my life sucks right now, but it'll be OK soon” smile every time someone walked in. I get in there, start cleaning and the sink drain isn't the savviest. Actually, it was really way too slow and it created this temporary bright red and kind of chunky puddle as it oh so slowly drained. Right then, in a matter of fifteen seconds every single woman in a five block radius came into the bathroom. I start giving my smiles, a few smiled back. One girl with fucking pink eye acted like I was the freak. I keep cleaning, the drain keeps trying to drain when I realize, this totally looks like bloody vomit. I got this disgusted look on my face as yet another woman comes in, this time a totally stereotypical young black chick (puffy white jacket with fur lining, tight-ass pony tail, walkman, she's probably a cheerleader or a volleyball player, etc.) I begin to offer her my smile when she looks me up and down, then in the sink, then back at me. I knew exactly what she was thinking: VOMIT! I wanted to tell her that it wasn't, and that she was horribly mistaken and then tell her the whole story start to finish and we would laugh about it after... maybe on the bus, and we would be best bus friends then become myspace friends 4-EVA. But no, she stopped, gave me a bitchy nast-ay look, then took off for the bathroom. I realized the agony I was in, laughed a bit to myself, then got on this damn bus.

This damn bus. Remind me to never sink this low again. I'm only doing this because I couldn't find a ride. It's nothing, really, just three hours. However, all of that beautiful scenery I was talking about before? Gone. And I have at least an hour to go. I will blog more, probably once I get back to the mountains, Cold Creek Canyon and Nederland.. ah, aspen trees, snow, mountain spring...

Welcome to the Revolution

2008-04-26T09:30:00.003-06:00

http://carolynbaker.net/site/

Just read the articles.

I will post about gun range day later on. This stuff is more important. While I am a skeptical sonofabitch, most of this rings true and somethings gotta change.

Guns

2008-04-22T23:11:00.002-06:00

It's been too long since I've written- too much has happened, yet, the most exciting began today: Gun Safety Class with Tor. Many moons ago (ok, maybe two moons ago) I was driving up from Lovington, NM with my new friend Tor when we stopped at a rest stop to use the little girls room. We were also switching seats (he was going to drive the rest of the way... which I rarely let someone do). I realized while waiting in line for the bathroom that Tor had all the qualifications to be a serial killer. I got back into the car, and we begin driving- in the middle of nowhere- when I tell him this. He laughed and asked what exactly I meant. I said, "Well, you're intelligent, good-looking, charismatic, and people trust you." To my horror (or, "Torror") he leaned in and said, "I have a gun." Completely freaked out but trying to keep my cool I ask, "In the car?" "Yes." he replied. Without missing a beat I say, "I am terrified of guns." then, "I think it's time to go to a shooting range." We later agreed he should take me, and this will finally take place tomorrow.

I got there early this morning, he poured me a cup of dandelion tea and we began a two and a half hour gun safely lesson. I wont bore you with the details, but it looked a little like this:

Then he laughed when I asked if I could use this:

We will be going to the shooting range tomorrow, and I will wear my pink cowboy hat. I am way too excited to be handling these weapons... will report back about the experience. Here's the serial killer himself:

Wish me luck and no blisters from loading magazines!

Officially FREAKING OUT

2008-04-03T23:06:00.002-06:00

I got hired to work, next week, on the new Harold Ramis (Meatballs, Caddyshack, Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters, et al) film Year One. It stars some of my heroes of comedy:

Jack Black

Michael Cera

Hank Azaria

and David Cross.

I've been officially freaking out since about 11am this morning, Mountain Standard Time. I've been thinking all day, about what kind of an ass I'm going to make of myself when/if I meet any of these actors. Sure, I've met some big cats before, I remember meeting Cuba Gooding Jr. for the first time under terrible circumstances on set (the key hair stylist left set and later got fired for her lack of professionalism). I had to go up to him and give him a "last look" before the close-up shot. I reached my hand out and said in a very small voice, "Hi, I"m Jennifer Jane." He smiled and shook my hand, then said, "Where's Jolynne?" Completely nervous, I replied, "I don't know, but I can guarantee you that your hair looks great!" The hair stylist, not being there pissed him off and I remember him saying something like, "I don't mean to sound like a dick, but this is a close-up and it's kind of important that she be here..." Later he apologized to me- which was totally unnecessary- and for the rest of he shoot referred to me as "Poor Little Jennifer Jane." Too funny.

But this is different. I was never a Cuba-fan. I'm a huge fan of all of these men- I'm afraid I will pass out, weep, stutter, and vomit (in no particular order) when I see them. I'm also quite nervous that they might be assholes- you know, the type of actors that don't chat with the crew, hide in their trailer until its time to come out and work. What if Jack Black turns out to be a major dick? I will be so heart broken and burned for life. It will be ruined for all my friends, too, who ask what he's like. This could end up very, very bad.

The good news is though- this is a real film. Real meaning they're paying me extra well, giving me my own hotel room as well as a per diem. This is such a good deal for me- Year One will be my fifth movie on my resume, and it's going to be a good one. I am so excited. I'll be working starting Monday- look forward to updates.